Children & Restaurants

Two things that REALLY don't go together.

When did eating out at restaurants become a right? When I was a kid if I misbehaved in a restaurant and disturbed the people just sitting at my own table, I was brought outside and made to sit in the car. Alone. While everyone else got to enjoy their meal.

Of course... now that's illegal... but come on!

If your child is going to 

A) Run around like a monkey on crack

B) Scream like a banshee being branded

or C) Destroy the goddamn restaurant...

Do us all a favour...

LEAVE THE BITCHES AT HOME!

As of the past few months I have been working as a hostess in a family-friendly-diner-type-establishment that will remain unnamed, and in the 6 or so weekends that I have worked there I have noticed something..

People don't parent their kids. I don't know if I (or any of us besides management) are allowed to say anything to the parents of these walking disasters, but a good number of times something has to be said.

A family will come in and ask for a booth, "To pin [the kid] in... otherwise [the kid] will run all over the place." Really? If you can't control your kid why are you allowing them the privilege of enjoying a meal in a restaurant?

I've discussed this before with many people, one of which being my boyfriend...

He said,

"It's not fair for the parents to give up their night out just because their children are being a bit rowdy."

I wholeheartedly disagree. If and when I have children of my own (or even if I am babysitting someone else's) and they decide that this is their space, that the comfort of patrons around them is irrelevant. We'll leave. It's not hard. Flag down your server as for a takeout container, pay your bill and GTFO.

I've seen kids jump around on the bench seats, heard them scream bloody murder and throw things all over the floor. I hate cleaning up after those little fuckers! It shouldn't take a someone 10 minutes to clear a table because junior decided that everything was a projectile, or hasn't quite grasped the concept of a fork... It's really not hard to train the kids to behave.

Here's 5 Tips for Helping Your Kid Behave at Restaurants:

1. Establish first and foremost, that this is a privilege not a right and it CAN be taken away.
2. Bring them something to do! Like a colouring book, or a small puzzle or even just a blank notebook and some pens. Tablets and phones will only do so much good and what if the restaurant doesn't have wifi or you run out of power? Exactly
3. Stick with healthy choices for drinks. Pop will only make them more hyper.
4. Save the dessert for special occasions or to reward good behaviour, who cares if it comes with the kids meal? Does the brat really deserve that scoop of ice cream after throwing half their dinner on the floor?
5. STOP THEM FROM BEING STUPID! If they are misbehaving, pull them aside and discipline them. If they aren't told they don't realize it's wrong. 

I know this works. It's how I was treated in restaurants. My grandparents got compliments on the behaviour of my sister and me when we were 8, and at a fancy ass restaurant called the Omega. They had a coat check and a dress code. Yeah.

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and don't be a fuck.