Riding The Bus

Oh public transportation...

It's inexpensive, gets you from one place to another, and is such a wonderful source of bitch material. The amount of oblivious assholes who happen to frequent this service is actually astonishing. 

Top 5 Patrons
5. Chatty Cathy
4. Puddles
3. Wanna Be's
2. Litterbugs
1. Spin Master Asshole

# 5. Chatty Cathy
She's back! She's everywhere (or he.) Chatty Cathy saunters onto the bus just like any other patron and sits there on her phone. I'm not saying that being on the phone while you're on the bus is a bad thing... Not at all. Have your conversations. This isn't the toilet. But when your conversation seems like it might be headed in the direction of an argument maybe you should tell whoever it is you are talking to that you need some time to think. Not only are you airing out your dirty laundry, you've possibly interrupted someone else's conversation and now the bus driver is wondering who the fuck is screaming at the back of the bus. You and your friend both need a break if you're having a shouting match. Just hang up the phone and call them back when you're off the bus.

# 4. Puddles
I may or may not have been this guy once upon a time... but in my defence I was a child (14-years-old) and have grown up significantly since then - when I'm in public. Puddles is that asshole who decided that the bus is theirs, and not taking up a couple of side by side seats... oh no. This fuck takes up those four seats near the back of the bus, you know, the four that face each other so people are sitting backwards. They puts their damn feet up on the seat in front of them, so now there are three seats that no one wants to sit in while he's there.

It's bad enough that this happens during the spring and summer, but in the winter, boots covered in slush, mud and salt happily drip into this seat. Then you, me and two of our friends get onto the bus after Puddles is gone and one of us sits right in that mess. Well done asshole. Now someone's got soggy jeans for the chilly walk from the bus stop to their house.

# 3. Wanna Be's
Ah, teenagers. You all suck. I hate riding the bus when school gets out. None of you give a rat's ass about other people... It's all the latest gossip and where the party is this weekend. I'm so glad I didn't ride the bus home in high school.
I used to take the bus to my (then) boyfriend's house in high school on Fridays. My school got out earlier than his, so I had the pleasure of riding the bus with 9th and 10th graders from the neighbouring school districts. They were so oblivious to the world around them that I used to miss my stop because I couldn't part the seas to get to the door, even though I always stand up and wait as soon as I pulled the cord. The bus driver was pissed off the because he thought I was joking about wanting to get off. I know the request bell is loud enough for you to hear it. Step aside or sit down.

# 2. Litterbugs
Self-explanatory. There's gotta be one.
This isn't your car, your mother isn't here to do it for you. Pick up your damn garbage and toss it in a trash can. It's really not that difficult.

and # 1. Spin Master Asshole
I actually hate you. Your music isn't that good and if I wanted to listen to it I would play it off my own phone, with my headphones in. 
There is no excuse for not having headphones. They have them at the DOLLAR STORE for a buck and as a bonus they include them, with whatever the hell you happen to be using to broadcast your "sick beats."   
You know what my favourite song on the bus is? Silence.
I hate it when the public transport DJ refuses to take request.
I was on the bus once when a guy sat directly in front of me with his phone on full blast. And I was in no mood to speak to anyone, so I picked the most annoying song on my playlist and introduced him to DJ GoFuckYourself. He wasn't too impressed after about 30 seconds and promptly relocated two rows forward, with his music still blaring. Oddly enough my impressive DJ-ing skills didn't encourage him to turn off his "dope tracks." Oh well... Maybe next time.

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and don't be a fuck.