Co-Ed Bathrooms (Rez Life)

How is this confusing?

I can understand this concept of toilet etiquette being difficult for those with developmental issues, or being small children... But grown ass women (and men) need to realize that the things they are doing is not okay.

  

Let's just list off the top 3 things that people are doing wrong:

1. Talking on the phone or to your neighbour while in a stall

2. Not flushing giant turds

and

3. A severe lack of personal problem solving

Let's expand on those issues, shall we?

1. Talking on the phone or to your neighbour while in a stall

 Why is this an issue? Let's pretend you are on the phone with your friend and you are having a conversation about upcoming plans for the weekend. All of a sudden you hear a deep winded echoing fart and then a splash of something dropping into the water. Awkward right? Was it your friend? Do you say something, pretend it never happened? Maybe you didn't quite hear it. 

Let's flip around and pretend that you are an innocent bathroom patron. Don't pretend that you don't hold in your shit when you're out and about... you know that when nature calls, there isn't another option. Now you're trying to go about your business, get in and out as quick as you can. You creep into the bathroom, check all the stalls, find the one in the far back - furthest from the door, settle yourself in and breath a sigh of relief that you are indeed alone. You relax and are just about to drop the kids off at the pool when all of a sudden the main door shrieks open and Chatty Cathy meanders in picks the stall right next to yours and goes about her business without missing a beat in her conversation about book club, the PTA or whatever happens to be so important that even the urge to pee can't put this conversation on hold. How do you feel? Now you've got to stop your business for fear of ruining their conversation and exposing yourself as a public pooper. If it's me... I'm either gonna hold it as long as possible or get the hell out of that bathroom and make my uncomfortable way home. What I really want to do, and I just might the next time I'm in this situation... is use my finely honed fake farting skills and rip the loudest, wettest sounding, awkwardness and innocently apologize,

"Sorry, sorry, excuse me. I didn't realize that you were on the phone." 

2. Not flushing giant turds

This one should really self explanatory... but if it isn't you must be that guy.

Fuck you. That shit is disgusting. Literally.

 If you don't know what it's like to walk into a bathroom where someone's shit has been stewing in the toilet bowl, then lucky you and I sincerely hope that you never have the misfortune of experiencing this horrible predicament.

If you're the fuck that just leaves it, please consider this...

What's more embarrassing? Walking out of a stall and coming face-to-face with someone who looks you right in the eyes after glancing at the giant floater YOU left behind.

OR

Making eye contact with someone trading stalls with you after you've flushed the toilet a couple extra times. 

Exactly.

 And you're not fooling anyone by covering it with a mile of toilet paper. We can still tell.

3. A severe lack of personal problem solving

Also simple. Yes I realize it's embarrassing to find someone in maintenance and admit that you fucked up the toilet, but come on! You're an adult. Grow the fuck up and tell someone that there's an issue. Despite what you think, there isn't a magical bathroom fairy that will come in and fix it if you quietly close the door and ninja out. In case you didn't realize... it's ILLEGAL to have cameras in bathrooms, so no one is going to know there's a problem for at least an hour unless you tell someone. Problem solving. Simple.

Enjoy, Subscribe, Tell Your Friends...

and don't be a fuck.